Remember that ham bone I got months ago which I promptly buried in the yard? No? Well, I do. When I got it it was beautiful, but now it's perfect--seasoned by time and dirt. It has re-emerged from a hidden place like a butterfly out of its chrysalis. Would you like it? Ha! It's mine. You may watch me gloat.
Fern
Showing posts with label chew toys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chew toys. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
How to Steal the Best Chewy
Most are not as adept at acquiring the very best of the chew toys as I am. I feel safe letting my compassion show through at this point, because I know even with help few ever match the skills I have in this field. For those who strive for greatness, here are some of my tips.
1) The best chews are usually located in crates. Whenever one has the opportunity, one should inspect opened, unoccupied crates to see what the goods are. When it has been determined which crate contains the best of the lot make a point of it.
2) Anything, no matter what, is better when you shouldn't have it in the first place. With this in mind, wait for the perfect opportunity to get a chew out of a crate. An example of an ideal scenario would be when someone is in the general area but not looking directly at what one is about to do. This way one will be caught out of the corner of the opponent's eye at the triumphant moment--the moment when one zips from the kennel with such boastfulness as to convince anyone something of dubious nature must have just occurred.
3) If one refrains from showing off the captured prize to every soul in the area it either means not enough effort went into the maneuver or the obtained item was not worth it. This is a fail. See that it doesn't happen.
Note: It is of absolutely no significant value in there be multiple kennels to steal from. If one's own kennel is all that is available that is no excuse for slacking on completing the above tasks to the best of one's abilities. The only losers are those who do not try or do not try hard enough. I am always a winner--let that be an inspiration to you.
Fern
1) The best chews are usually located in crates. Whenever one has the opportunity, one should inspect opened, unoccupied crates to see what the goods are. When it has been determined which crate contains the best of the lot make a point of it.
2) Anything, no matter what, is better when you shouldn't have it in the first place. With this in mind, wait for the perfect opportunity to get a chew out of a crate. An example of an ideal scenario would be when someone is in the general area but not looking directly at what one is about to do. This way one will be caught out of the corner of the opponent's eye at the triumphant moment--the moment when one zips from the kennel with such boastfulness as to convince anyone something of dubious nature must have just occurred.
3) If one refrains from showing off the captured prize to every soul in the area it either means not enough effort went into the maneuver or the obtained item was not worth it. This is a fail. See that it doesn't happen.
Note: It is of absolutely no significant value in there be multiple kennels to steal from. If one's own kennel is all that is available that is no excuse for slacking on completing the above tasks to the best of one's abilities. The only losers are those who do not try or do not try hard enough. I am always a winner--let that be an inspiration to you.
Fern
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
On Finding the Best Things
I've had the opportunity to go shopping in some Stores lately. It seems to me that Stores are a very important part of human experience, and I've decided to give them some thought. This is what I've mulled over so far. What stricks me particularly on entering a Store is the number of aisles devoted to chew toys. Now any given chewy might be squeaky, soft, little, edible, tough, smelly, large, colorful (so says Kirsten, who is better at seeing color than me), bouncy, what-have-you, or any combination thereof. This makes me wonder how people ascertain what qualifies as a good chew. Perhaps one uses preferences based on the before mentioned list to decide--I can see that leading in some general directions--but I find myself at a loss to make any reasonable choice with only this information. You see my difficulty of course because they're all on a rack in a Store. It's really impossible to tell which one is best in that situation. If you aren't following me I'll explain: They lack a good solid Place. What is Place? Place, my friend, is the key to finding the best chews. For example, the toys in my house have Place, and I know exactly which ones to find and horde--namely, the cat's toys. There are some dog toys about which are nice enough, but since there are no other dogs around one can't compare them to the cat's toys. The important thing about Place is that something could be someone else's and therefore could be made yours instead. Of course the more Someone Elses there are in a Placeg the better a thing can be. When I went to visit my old home on Saturday I found a bone in the grass. Since all my friends were out--adding up to some dozen possible contestants for bone ownership--there could hardly be a better thing to have for oneself. You can imagine my joy in carrying it around. Actually, you don't even need to imagine because I've included a picture for you. I do hope these thoughts will help guide you the next time you rush off to look at things in Stores. Remember, Place is the thing. Best of luck at finding the good stuff!
Fern
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