Thursday, July 8, 2010

How to Steal the Best Chewy

Most are not as adept at acquiring the very best of the chew toys as I am. I feel safe letting my compassion show through at this point, because I know even with help few ever match the skills I have in this field. For those who strive for greatness, here are some of my tips.

1) The best chews are usually located in crates. Whenever one has the opportunity, one should inspect opened, unoccupied crates to see what the goods are. When it has been determined which crate contains the best of the lot make a point of it.

2) Anything, no matter what, is better when you shouldn't have it in the first place. With this in mind, wait for the perfect opportunity to get a chew out of a crate. An example of an ideal scenario would be when someone is in the general area but not looking directly at what one is about to do. This way one will be caught out of the corner of the opponent's eye at the triumphant moment--the moment when one zips from the kennel with such boastfulness as to convince anyone something of dubious nature must have just occurred.

3) If one refrains from showing off the captured prize to every soul in the area it either means not enough effort went into the maneuver or the obtained item was not worth it. This is a fail. See that it doesn't happen.

Note: It is of absolutely no significant value in there be multiple kennels to steal from. If one's own kennel is all that is available that is no excuse for slacking on completing the above tasks to the best of one's abilities. The only losers are those who do not try or do not try hard enough. I am always a winner--let that be an inspiration to you.



  1. oh Fern, you are a firecracker. I think you would put me in my place right quick!

    wags, Bug

  2. You've always been the very best at theivery from crates Fern, all the Raglan Cardigans can attest to that!

  3. Oh Fern, I will be working on your techniques today. By the way, its also great fun to steal whatever the momma has at the computer. I steal her pop bottle lids, and her pens and sometimes even her papers. But dont take the bottles that have pop in them, only the empty ones. If you steal one with pop, you get a bath!
    Peace (who is way better at stealing than the others here)

  4. Jimmy justs steals whatever it is Wilson has! If it's nothing but a scrap of paper, and Wilson has it, then Jimmy must make it his! His nickname in these incidences: GreedyPup!

  5. Bug,
    I'm always very modest, but you're probably right.

    Everyone needs a legacy. I'm glad to know I left mine.

    I like the way you think. Usually I leave that job to the cat as she's better at casually jumping onto desks or tables to wait for the ideal thieving opportunities. Once she's knocked something onto the ground it's fair game.

    I see you hold to the highest of canine morals: if he has it I want it. The world will be okay as long as there are dogs like you in it.